Dos Semanas

This second week has flown by. I've gotten more used to the routine of life and going to work although I'm still overwhelmed by the amount of discipline needed to do everything I need or want to accomplish in a day.

The clinic has been going well, and I've especially enjoyed getting to know more people there. From the ladies at the clinic, to Orlando, to Hector who goes to Teletón for therapy, to Daniel who I met at church, life gets easier here as I get to know more people and actually grow relationships.

At Teletón:

o This past week was the first time I started taking pictures because I didn’t want to be a tourist, but now that I’m making more relationships I feel better about it.

o I actually saw them use an ice pack this week when a girl’s back was hurting and also noticed for the first time the freezer where they keep the ice packs.

o The lady’s at work continue to make me laugh with their constant comments about me having pretty eyes and being handsome. They often accuse each other of flirting with me. Apparently because I have blond hair and blue eyes, I am a rare specimen at Santa Rosa. I have noticed this as well from the catcalls I’ve been receiving from middle school girls on the street. I’m flattered, but it gets tiring being gawked at daily.

On Sunday I traveled with some of Dr. Ventura’s nieces to Ocotepeque, a city in the western part of the country. Although a smaller city than Santa Rosa, it was nice to have some time outside of the city and to be able to see more of Honduras. We only had an hour in the city before the bus was heading back, but it was still fun. Then when we got back, I had the famous Atol Chuco which has been described to me as a soup made from fermented corn, and it tasted as such. It is considered a delicacy, but it just left me with the bitter aftertaste similar to that of a sugar-fied cereal (but lacking any of the sugary goodness during consumption).

It has continued to be a struggle though to learn how to live here. I don't know if I put this in any other posts, but I discovered a few days into the trip that this is the first time I've ever lived on my own...and I'm doing it in another country. This past week I took a few steps at integrating myself into the culture more and more. One day this looked like buying one avocado at the "terminal" which is just a bunch of little open-air shops where all of the cross-country buses stop at in Santa Rosa. Another day it meant getting coffee at a café and journaling there for a while. The biggest step has been actually going to the grocery store and buying food for myself. I was not brave enough to buy things that I would have to cook yet. That is one of my goals for next week, but I did get bread and peanut butter and mora (raspberry) jelly to make my own lunches when I go to Teletón. Fortunately, I have been able to have a lot of leeway here with money because buying food on the street or from local restaurants has proved to cost about $2-3 maximum. I think this is also a good connection with the culture since everything I'm buying to eat is a typical Honduran dish. We will see how good I am at recreating those typical dishes on my own.

This post is something I’ve been working on over the weekend so here’s a more recent inclusion:

Today (Monday) I actually bought some food to cook with. For about 13 dollars US I bought a loaf of bread, a bag of rice, a bag of black beans, a small food container to bring lunches to work, a bag of granola, two nectarines, a plum, a pear, four garlic things, two green peppers, tortillas, and a clump of herbs (probably some kind of parsley). I’m going to experiment this week with some fun recipes. I hope to make guacamole as well :)

My trip has been a much different experience than anything I've ever had in a foreign country. This is not a missions/service learning trip where the activities are planned out. This is not a study abroad (at least not now that the class on disabilities has ended) where I am taking classes and having cultural experiences. I am simply living here on my own. This is the first trip where I've been extremely capable of distance myself from the culture whenever I would like. Although this has been nice since it's the first time in a while that I've had a lot of time to myself, it has been difficult to be disciplined to not disengage. But at the same time, I often do not know how to engage the culture other than eating at local restaurants and walking around town. I am not living with a Honduran family where I learn what normal life looks like in comparison with the U.S. I do not have a schedule other than Teletón where there is an organized, semi-normal medical environment. Yet, I know that the people are where the cultural is rooted and through my growing relationships, I feel like I am getting at least some perspective.

Now a snippet from my journal on Friday:

Today I saw my first mother cry. Everyday in the children’s therapy there is at least one child that undergoes painful therapy. They kick and scream and cry, pleading for it to stop. Some I know will never walk or be able to use their legs of arms without the treatment and others I am not knowledgeable enough about to know how necessary the therapy is. But this was the first time I saw one of the mothers cry. Usually they just stand and watch and talk to Claudia as she does the therapy. This daughter had what may be Spina Bifida, a heart condition, and/or deformities in both her legs and her left hand. She begins with heat packs and then moves into therapy where the point is to give her mobility in her limbs so she will be more capable of walking with her orthotics. Her right leg is very contorted but her left is close to normal with a large bump where her kneecap might be. Her left hand also has had surgery on it to separate two fingers that were fused together. Both of her lefts are what Claudia works on to open the joints up and increase her range of motion.

Even while she was only going through the heat, her mother was leaning over her crying. I only noticed because when she stood up she wiped tears off her face. Then when Claudia was doing the therapy and she was yelling in pain saying “I hurt,” “I don’t want it,” “no more,” and “Mamá,” her mother was tearing up again.

Thursdays and Fridays are hard for me because these past two weeks I’ve gradually gotten less sleep as the week has gone on and then add that to a 6 hour day of solely observing crying babies in the same room. It is also hard to watch the kids cry in pain. My heart aches while watching the ones that I know are in actual pain.

Things that I am thankful for:

o U.S. plumbing that keeps the sewer and waste smells from returning through the drains. They don't have that here.

o A language (English) with which I can intellectually speak to others with. I have been growing in the language, but it is still frequently frustrating.

o Having the money to eat out each day if I choose. People watching and cultural immersion are easiest when I actually have something to do and am not the lone "gringo" watching people.

o Having a lot of funny interactions with the ladies that I work with.

~Bennett

Termina de la Semana Primera

I am so glad it is the weekend. Little is happening this weekend thankfully because I need this time to recuperate. This has been such a difficult week for me.

Everyday was filled with new thoughts and feelings which ranged from learning that the Physical Therapists here do not use ice at all in their treatments to discovering that my right armpit smells infinitely worse than my left. Whether they do not teach the use of ice in the universities here or they do not have the equipment to have ice packs or some combination of both, I have not seen one ice pack. And as for my right armpit, it remains to be seen if excessive washing will fix my problem.

I think it was my second or third day that I realized I have never lived on my own before. I haven't learned how to grocery shop or cook for myself or make lunches for the next day. Thankfully everywhere I am they have little stores or people on the street selling food. Last night I attempted to fry some plantains or bananas and had decent success. I've been googling things like how to cut a mango because even simple things like that are unfamiliar to me.

Yet, it wasn't until Thursday or Friday (the days run together) that I even really thought about my stomach. I had been eating breakfast and lunch, but I was so exhausted and overwhelmed that I didn't even get dinner for the first couple days. Many mornings I didn't even want to get up and go to Teletón. I didn't want to be here in Honduras. I didn't want to expend the effort to understand Spanish or decipher English words pronounced with a Spanish accent (Elton John and The Beatles sound entirely different). I didn't want to try to conjugate verbs or determine the order of my nouns and adjectives. But communication and language is what I need to survive here. Surviving, yes, rather than thriving--I haven't even thought about that yet.

Thankfully at my work I am surrounded by a bunch of women who are like mothers to me, including me in what they are talking about or doing, helping me know where to go for lunch, and explaining things at a speed I can understand better. Orlando has been great at helping me with my Spanish, and I have had several long and good conversations with him. He has invited me to a couple things with his friends and I really appreciate his understanding when I can't understand him. He's had people stay with him from France and Germany, so he is used to helping people get used to the language and life here.

On Mondays I am in the Special Education area at Teletón. They have five different rooms: (1) the kids with learning difficulties like dyslexia, (2) an arts and crafts room so that the children with learning difficulties or disabilities are able to learn to make things to sell like touristy things or belts, (3) the babies and small children that have hearing and speaking deficiencies, (4) the adult room for hearing and speaking problems and (5) the room for mentally retarded people. Then on Tuesday and Wednesday I am in the adult gym with Carmen (one of the PTs). Thankfully the PTs finish working with patients at 12:30 and then do paperwork after that so I get to go home early on those days. Thursday and Friday I am in the children's gym with Claudia. Most of these children have either Spina Bifida and Down syndrome and the many complications that can come with these diseases like spastic muscles, poor trunk control and paralysis. There have been a few children with scoliosis, cystic fibrosis and microcephaly. Claudia asked me yesterday if I knew what the life expectancy is of someone once they're diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, and I didn't know. When I researched it today all I found was that it said age 35 although I think all of the medical information in English assumes that you have the money and access to medications for treatment and don't give information if you let disease run it's course. I don't know if that is what Claudia meant when she asked (what the life expectancy is without treatment), but a lot of the people from the villages do not have money to get medications for something like cystic fibrosis. When we went to the village school last week, the school teacher said that many of the children have trouble remembering things because they are malnourished. How much less important is medication when you are struggling to merely feed your family?

Every afternoon it rains here. It's beautiful when you're not caught in it. Unfortunately when I took Daniela (Dr. Ventura's niece) to her soccer practice, her practice ended right as it started to rain (and rain as in pouring and hailing, which is normal except for a few months in the winter). It is nice to have both the sun in the morning and rain in the afternoon.

I miss so many things now. I miss African cultural and Swaziland. (I think of and pray for the new team often. I know right now they are in their last weekend in Bulembu and their hearts are breaking at the prospect of leaving.) I miss the comforts of U.S. culture--English (with it's smooth and lazy words) and enjoying the summer at home. I miss my family and friends. I think of some of the other internships in the Elijah Project and think how nice they would be. I would be happy to go ahead and be done here. I know my mind will probably change as I spend more time here, but now it is difficult.

But I know I have something to learn here. I know that through this I will be grown. I know that my focus must be on the One who's growing me or I will disintegrate under the pressure of learning another language and culture. It is not the experience I expected. (I knew that I wouldn't know what to expect but that doesn't not mean that this isn't difficult.) I knew coming in that it would grow me in ways I could not see and confirm or deny things that I thought I knew about myself. But I am not having a village experience.

I have internet, running water, a toilet, a washer, and a bed. I am in a developing city with taxis, good roads, stores lining the streets and a central park. Puma is the footwear of choice, and American Eagle, Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch, and Aeropostle are the clothes of choice. The city has power even if though it goes out every time it rains. People have the money here to eat meat.

I'm being exposed to a different side of culture that is stretching, that is growing, exhausting, overwhelming. Learning a language and the way of life are things that I had not considered when thinking about using Physical Therapy in a developing country. Maybe this is to show me where I am weak and/or how God will work through me despite my bankruptcy. Without God I would not have lasted through this week. Let me share the verses that have been my strength when I have had none. They have been encouraging, convicting, and humbling.

Joshua 1:8-9

"Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Hebrews 4:11-16

Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience.

For the word of God living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are -- yet was without sin.

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

2 Timothy 3:16-17

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.

Philippians 2:5-11

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death -- even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Things I am thankful for:

Sharing laughter with people here despite the language barrier.

Santa Rosa and Honduras's beauty.

Family and friends who are praying for me.

This trip and the difficulties and joy that it is bringing.

Teletón -- that the people have a place to go for rehabilitation and quality of life care, not just primary care.

I know that this next week may be just as difficult, but "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Fotografías

Honduras

The Mayan Ruins were pretty cool I guess :)

Zipline canopy tour

The apartment (entryway, bathroom & laundry area)

The kitchen

My room

Address

Several people have asked for my address, so here it is:

Orlando Perloro Tabora

Barrio Santa Teresa, Sector los buenos

Una Cuadra Abajo Despensa Familiar

A la par de edgardo escoto

Santa Rosa de Copán

Copán, Honduras

Don't send stuff to my name because no one knows I live here, so if you send it to Orlando (who I'm renting an apartment from) it will get to me. Thanks!

Oh and I have no idea how much postage is needed

Videos

Santa Rosa de Copán: El Comienzo

What I wrote while still in Copan Ruinas:

It occurred to me several days ago that I have never lived on my own before and will be doing it for the first time in a foreign country. I’m getting progressively more nervous because as long as I’m with people from the U.S. it is hard to really practice my Spanish and have it stick in my head. I call it the Donna Clark principle (because Donna is who I primarily associate with this concept) that if I do not think I will need to remember something for later, then it will not be burned into my memory. So in a reverse way, this is my problem.

We are currently in Copan Ruinas and it is unusual to be in such a tourist town where English and “gringos” (foreigners, most commonly white people) are prevalent. We will be able to go into the villages this week, and I look forward to that. In the meanwhile we went to go to the Mayan Ruins and the bird sanctuary here which houses birds that have been abused by their owners.

I’m definitely beginning to miss home and some U.S. accommodations—like English—but I know that some of that is due to pre-trip jitters.

After arriving in Santa Rosa:

We finished the week off strong with a zip line canopy tour. The zip line had fourteen parts, one of which was a kilometer long. I have several videos that I will upload soon to show you the excitement. Lissa was able to see a lot of patients this week at the private clinic, and each of us (the students) got to switch off observing. Many of the patients we saw didn’t have access to information about the conditions they had and we had to educate them.

For example one girl came in who looked like she had cerebral palsy and was eight years old. They told us that she had been fine when she was younger but had epilepsy. She could walk and talk before but now she had had so much brain damage from the seizures that she had spastic muscles and could only communicate through laughing and smiling or crying. They had given her medication at one of the hospitals but apparently had not regulated it well (which is crucial with epilepsy medication), and it didn’t help. Lissa showed her sister some exercises and stretches to do with her to keep her from getting contractures. After Lissa finished, we asked the sister if she wanted anything else, and she told us that she wanted to see her sister walk again. The sad reality is that the girl is now at a point where she will eventually get worse and therapy will only help delay the problems.

It has not sunk in that this starts six weeks. I am sitting in my room in Orlando’s apartment (photos to follow) and feel drained. It is exhausting to be in a foreign country with schoolwork to do, and I got rather burned out at the end of semester. It’s especially hard because I had it in my head that school would last from January to May but hadn’t mentally prepared to handle three more weeks. Now that the class is over I can begin to prepare to be overwhelmed by this trip.

Related to that note, we were talking and reading about disabilities and how it can change your life if you have a child or family member who is touched by disability. There is a hard transition from what you expected from your life and what your life now has become, and it is appropriate to grieve. The main book we read for the class was Same Lake, Different Boat by Stephanie Hubach who has a son that was born with Down’s syndrome and wrote on how her life was changed, the things she has learned through the experience, how others should respond to and support people and families with disabilities and how faith provides hope, a family and strength throughout the struggles. I would recommend it to anyone who has a family member with disability or knows anyone with a disability.

I’m beginning to understand some things that this trip will teach me. My main goal was to experiment and see if I could one-day use Physical Therapy in a developing country, and I was hoping to have a village experience. But I do not think the village experience is what I need to be challenged with. I don’t think I would have a problem living in remote places with little accommodations, but like I said, the main accommodation I miss here is English. The other side of cultural emersion that I have not considered much, is the academic aspect of language acquisition. Having taken Spanish 1 & 2 in high school and then again at college I have a good basic working knowledge, but what if I am thrown in head first for six weeks? Maybe it will show me that I am more able than I ever thought I was to learn a language (at least partially). And could I learn another language after that? And what if I simply moved somewhere after I get my doctorate (and have paid off my school loans)? But even if I do or do not end up using PT abroad, I know that this trip will help shaping me and my perspective of medical access and care wherever I serve.

It has been a reoccurring theme that I should learn to be in places where I am in need, but the irony is that in each of these places I find that I actually have something to offer. I need and am needed, and if I shift more towards one than the other I get a wake up call that either “No, you don’t have what it takes to do this alone,” or “Yes, you are valued and contributing.” It is most often when I avoid relationships that I slip into one or the other, and I think that’s why God has been taking me from myself and placing me in community. It is for iron sharpening iron—painfully at times—but there is so much meaning and joy in the end. I am not the man I should be, but I am the one whom He loves and out of whom He is making something beautiful. I know He will equip me with what I need to work for His kingdom.

Pictures worth a couple hundred words

The group pre-departure

Showing back exercises to the back-pain group therapy session

Getting huge coconuts on the street in Santa Rosa

At the hot springs in Gracias Lempira

Last dinner in Santa Rosa as a group

Beautiful Santa Rosa de Copan

Copán Ruinas (what I call the San Francisco of Copán with all the hills)

At a fort in Copán Ruinas

Granita Mocachino

The lab at one of the social clinics

The lab at a private clinic

The beautiful Bird Sanctuary

Our entire Honduras Kinesiology Seminar group now that Lissa joined us. (lft-rt: me, Dr. Ventura, Micah, Addy, Abbey and Lissa)

Apartamiento

It has been a busy week again but with a much less consistent schedule. On Sunday we attended a Honduran church which included a lot of dancing, and last night we enjoyed a concert from German Peña at the La Casa de La Cultura.

Stress has set in more and more as we go on in our trip, and as I see the amount of Spanish I haven't mastered. I understand about 30% of the dialogue and am much slower at speaking. I need to freshen up on my verb forms because the time is coming quickly when I will be on my own.

It has been a struggle to think intellectually in English about the class while trying to transition to Spanish. The first several days we were here, I completely failed at communicating my thoughts in coherent words (final exams and papers had probably drained me as well). Everyone (ambos Hondureños and Estadosunidenses) have been very encouraging saying that I will quickly learn, so that is encouraging.

I suspect that everyone that actively places their self in a challenging environment gets to a point where they wonder why they engaged in such a growing situation, and I am quickly approaching that marker. Even though I have not lost sight of the potential growth that this experience will probably yield, I retain some hesitancy in jumping into new waters somewhat alone.

But I am trusting what God will do through me because how else will I be changed or sustained? I have already seen ways in which He needs to work on my heart, and I desire to run to Him when I am spent. For this reason I am memorizing verses for RAing next year...not that I can master some concept or idea, but so that I can connect with the heart of Christ.

Josué 1:8-9

"Repite siempre lo que dice el libro de la ley de Dios, y medita en él de día y de noche, para que hagas siempre lo que este ordena. Así todo lo que hagas te saldrá bien.

"Yo soy quien te manda que tengas valor y firmeza. No tengas miedo y te desanimes porque yo, tu Señor y Dios, estaré contigo dondequiera que vayas."

How I hope I do not forget this need for Him when I return to my place of comfort in the U.S.

~Bennett